Unconditional Parenting

In "Unconditional Parenting," Alfie Kohn challenges traditional discipline methods, advocating instead for a parenting style rooted in compassion and understanding. He argues that unconditional love is the key to fostering responsible, empathetic children who are motivated from within, rather than by rewards or punishments. Kohn explores the detrimental effects of conditional parenting, where affection is tied to behavior, and offers practical strategies for nurturing a more profound connection with your child. Through engaging anecdotes and thought-provoking insights, he invites parents to rethink their approach and prioritize genuine relationship-building. Discover how to raise confident, caring individuals by letting go of control and embracing unconditional support.

By Alfie Kohn

Published: 2006

"Punishment is not a solution; it’s a symptom of a problem."

Unconditional ParentingBook binding

Start Listening

0:000:00

What Readers Say About This Book

A groundbreaking approach to parenting by nationally-respected educator Alfie Kohn that gives parents “powerful alternatives to help children become their most caring, responsible selves” (Adele Faber, New York Times bestselling author) by switching the dynamic from doing things to children to working with them in order to understand their needs and how to meet them. Most parenting guides begin with the question “How can we get kids to do what they're told?” and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, “What do kids need—and how can we meet those needs?” What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including “time-outs”), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from “doing to” to “working with” parenting—including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

About the Author

A

Alfie Kohn

Alfie Kohn is an influential author and speaker known for his work in the fields of education, psychology, and parenting. He has written more than a dozen books, including "Punished by Rewards" and "The Schools Our Children Deserve," which challenge conventional approaches to motivation and learning. Kohn advocates for more progressive teaching methods that prioritize critical thinking, intrinsic motivation, and collaboration over standardized testing and competition. His writings have been featured in various publications, and he frequently speaks at conferences and workshops across the globe. With a deep commitment to fostering a more humane and equitable society, Kohn continues to inspire educators and parents to rethink traditional practices in education and parenting.

Book Details

Key information about the book.

Authors
Alfie Kohn
Published
March 2006
Publisher
Simon and Schuster
ISBN
1416531831
Language
English
Pages
274
Genres
MotherhoodParentingParenting Techniques

Purchase Options

Amazon logoBuy on Amazon
BookShop logoBuy via BookShop

Support local bookstores: BookShop gives a portion of each sale to independent bookshops!

Similar books you might like →

Baby 411Book binding

Baby 411

Ari Brown, Denise Fields

Bringing Up BébéBook binding

Bringing Up Bébé

Pamela Druckerman

Simplicity ParentingBook binding

Simplicity Parenting

Kim John Payne, Lisa M. Ross

Caring for Your Baby and Young ChildBook binding

Caring for Your Baby and Young Child

Steven P. Shelov

All Joy and No FunBook binding

All Joy and No Fun

Jennifer Senior

The Gentle Parenting BookBook binding

The Gentle Parenting Book

Sarah Ockwell-Smith

The Science of ParentingBook binding

The Science of Parenting

Margot Sunderland

Calm Parents, Happy KidsBook binding

Calm Parents, Happy Kids

Dr. Laura Markham

Showing 8 of 29 similar books

Take your reading experience to the next level

Download our mobile app to enjoy your favorite books on the go. Get access to exclusive features, offline listening, and personalized recommendations.

Download on the App Store

Book Collections you might like →

Meghan Markle's Book Recommendations

Meghan Markle's Book Recommendations

Meghan Markle, Duchess of Sussex, is an American actress, humanitarian, and author known for her role as Rachel Zane on the television series "Suits." After marrying Prince Harry in 2018, she became a prominent figure in the British royal family and an advocate for social justice and women's rights. In 2021, she published her first children's book, "The Bench," which explores the bond between fathers and sons through a mother's eyes. Markle's literary work reflects her commitment to storytelling and her passion for fostering empathy and understanding. Beyond literature, she co-founded the Archewell Foundation with Prince Harry to promote compassion and well-being globally.

View Collection
Lori Gottlieb's Book Recommendations

Lori Gottlieb's Book Recommendations

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, bestselling author, and columnist known for her book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which offers an insightful and personal look into the world of therapy from both the therapist and client perspectives. Gottlieb’s writing is praised for its humor, depth, and vulnerability as she explores themes of self-discovery, healing, and human connection. She also writes the “Dear Therapist” column for The Atlantic, offering advice rooted in her clinical experience. Lori’s work continues to bridge the gap between therapy and the general public, making mental health more accessible.

View Collection
Mike Shinoda's Book Recommendations

Mike Shinoda's Book Recommendations

Mike Shinoda is a multifaceted artist best known as a founding member of the rock band Linkin Park. While celebrated for his musical talents, Shinoda has made significant contributions to the literary world through his introspective lyrics and storytelling. His work often explores themes of personal struggle, resilience, and social issues, resonating with a global audience. In addition to his musical endeavors, Shinoda has authored and illustrated graphic novels, further showcasing his creative versatility. His ability to blend powerful narratives with visual art has cemented his status as a significant cultural influencer.

View Collection
Shonda Rhimes's Book Recommendations

Shonda Rhimes's Book Recommendations

Shonda Rhimes is an American television producer, screenwriter, and author, best known for creating hit shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, and How to Get Away with Murder. As one of the most powerful women in Hollywood, Rhimes has redefined the television landscape with her diverse storytelling and strong female characters. She has built an empire under her production company, Shondaland, and signed a groundbreaking deal with Netflix to produce exclusive content. Rhimes is also an advocate for diversity and inclusion in the entertainment industry, using her platform to push for greater representation on screen and behind the scenes.

View Collection
Jon Stewart's Book Recommendations

Jon Stewart's Book Recommendations

Jon Stewart is an American comedian, writer, and former host of The Daily Show, where he gained fame for his satirical take on news and politics. Stewart transformed The Daily Show into a critical voice in American media, blending humor with hard-hitting commentary on political and social issues. After stepping down from the show, Stewart has continued to advocate for causes like 9/11 first responders and veterans' rights. He is also a filmmaker, directing the political satire film Irresistible. Stewart remains a significant figure in American culture, known for his wit, activism, and influence on political discourse.

View Collection
Charlize Theron's Book Recommendations

Charlize Theron's Book Recommendations

Charlize Theron is a South African-American actress, producer, and philanthropist, known for her roles in a wide range of films, from action blockbusters to critically acclaimed dramas. She gained international recognition for her performance in Monster, for which she won an Academy Award for Best Actress. Theron’s versatility as an actress is evident in her work in films such as Mad Max: Fury Road, Atomic Blonde, and Bombshell. Beyond acting, she is a producer through her company, Denver and Delilah Productions, and has been involved in various socially conscious films. Theron is also an outspoken advocate for women’s rights and LGBTQ+ equality, using her platform to bring attention to issues such as domestic violence and HIV/AIDS through her Charlize Theron Africa Outreach Project. In addition to her humanitarian efforts, Theron continues to push boundaries as one of the most powerful women in Hollywood, often taking on physically demanding roles that challenge traditional gender norms.

View Collection
Dr. Harvey Karp's Book Recommendations

Dr. Harvey Karp's Book Recommendations

Dr. Harvey Karp is a renowned pediatrician and child development expert, best known for his groundbreaking method for calming infants, as detailed in The Happiest Baby on the Block. He is the creator of the SNOO Smart Sleeper, a robotic crib designed to help babies sleep safely and soundly. Dr. Karp has been a leading voice in pediatric health for decades, emphasizing the importance of sleep for both babies and parents. His methods have revolutionized infant care and parenting techniques. He continues to advocate for improved early childhood development practices.

View Collection
Brene Brown's Book Recommendations

Brene Brown's Book Recommendations

Brené Brown is a research professor, author, and public speaker known for her work on vulnerability, shame, and leadership. Her TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability, has garnered millions of views, and her bestselling books, including Daring Greatly and Rising Strong, explore how embracing vulnerability can lead to personal and professional transformation. Brown’s research has had a profound impact on conversations around leadership, empathy, and emotional intelligence. She continues to advocate for the importance of courage and connection in both personal development and organizational culture.

View Collection

Showing 8 of 18 related collections

Punishment is not a solution; it’s a symptom of a problem.

Unconditional Parenting

By Alfie Kohn